Changing The Pattern.... My life Story via CrossFit

http://journal.crossfit.com/2013/08/changing-the-pattern-part-1.tpl

Hey guys..... CrossFit just did a video of me and my life story. It ended up turning out soo great! 
 I was open and honest about my past ....where I've come from and how I got to where I 
Find myself now. It is my hope and prayer that maybe it will inspire somebody who is struggeling
With what I went though and can find strength .......

Love you all!!!

I'm BAAAACK!!!

I never thought anybody even read my little blog at all. But over the past few weeks I have gotten quite a few emails asking "Where have you been?" or "Update your blog! I find it so motivational!" so...here I am attempting to update the past year of my life in a paragraph or two. I do want to add that one of the emails I received was from a man starting up a rehab center to help addicts through exercise, through CrossFit to be exact. He read my blog some years back and decided to try and reach me to see if I would be interested in his vision. I was soo excited to hear from him because most of you know what my past was---I have a soft heart for people struggling to be free from bondage - something outside of themselves that controls them. So of course I said "YES!!!" I will keep you informed as to what that means for me from time to time. For now....I am just here to offer him support and to cheer his vision on as it unfolds. This past year has been hands down one of the most challenging years of my life. It's right up there with all the other hard things I've walked through - drug addiction, the death of my loved one, my divorce, being cheated on and left, all those things. Geesh just writing that list tugs at my heart. I know that I am strong woman and that every situation that I have encountered in my life has molded me to be just that. I survive. I learn and I grow. I cannot be kept down. I WILL get back up and I WILL overcome. PERIOD. However, when the situations are emotional ones and you are hurt by people you trust it is difficult to understand. At least for me it is. For the past three years I have had the very best friend anybody could ever ask for. To say that he was the ONLY person in this world who "got me" would be an understatement. I could really be me around him. I didn't have to watch what I say. I could cuss like a sailor and not be judged. I could act inappropriately and say whatever came to my mind - and together we would laugh. He was my soft place to fall in this sometimes crazy harsh world. For three years we cheered each other on through our ups and downs and we traveled placed and just we there for one another. Well, out of the complete blue last August he decided he "needed a break" from me and I haven't talked to him since. To say that I am heart broken would be a intense understatement. Some people in my life think its because he developed more than a friendship feeling for me, others think maybe I served what role I was supposed to in his life and that that time was over.......I choose not to admit either and just know he was moving on in his life. My struggle is this....if somebody claimes they care about you - that you mean everything to them...at what point do those words change? I myself have been guilty of saying "I love you forever" and then walking out the door - but I separate intimate relationships from friendships in that if you have a dear friend why can't things remain the same between you? I just assumed we would be friends forever and I guess my childlike belief in that is why I am still so crushed months later. I want to pick up the phone and call him at least twice a week - which I don't - and I have this overwhelming feeling of being left out here in the world alone. Abandon. Left to be friendless I guess and because of that I feel quite lonely at times. Just knowing I had somebody to have my back made me feel so much less alone - but now that I don't have that, well....I feel ....jipped. So, that's the situation I have been dealing with and trying to heal from. My romantic relationship has been challenging as well. Try as I might to understand why I have invited such a roller coaster relationship into my life - a year later I am still dumfounded. There must be a part of me that likes the fight. The struggle. I dunno - but if that were true, then why oh WHY do I hate it so much!!??I don't really want to share too much about that because I don't feel that I can be so open with him. He'd be upset if I wrote about him I'm sure.....

A blessing that has happened is that my brother came to stay with me for almost three months this winter. Having him around was a lot of fun. I've never been close to my family. My mom and I don't have a relationship and my father and I aren't really close. My brother is all I have and we share the same childhood so he gets me - a little- at least! He was out of work and having a hard time in Oregon - so he came out here to stay. I was able to find him quite a few jobs and I helped pay his bills back in Oregon which made me feel good. He just left Friday and the house has suddenly gotten empty again. When the kids are at their dads house I have it all to myself.....nice and bad all at the same time :) So - I am doing good - great things are happening in my career for me. My clients are absolutly amazing and doing very well. I also am now working with San JOse State University sports teams on their nutrition. I LOVE THIS! And feel blessed every day because of this opportunity. Some other things are brewing that I will share about at another time. I promise to update this from time to time and post some pictures too. This picture is of me, my brother James, and my cousin Michelle. We walked on the beach one sunny day here in SC and laughed together. Good Times!!! Thanks for reading my little blog. Always keep your eyes open to the signs around you. Always keep your heart open to growing even through hurt. Stand tall and know who you are. ALWAYS! And NEVER let anybody change you. :)

Maui Trip

Brandon and I stopped in at Lahaina CrossFit while vacationing this past July for a sweaty workout. Coach Anthony was awesome and we loved visiting our CrossFit family......

Summer Fun

Its been a while since I blogged and put new pictures up, so here's what I've been up to:

I've been training a lot and have shifted my concentration to longer distance and trail running. It's definitely a LOT harder than road running/racing and very technical - but I really enjoy that aspect of running the trails. This season I have many races on my schedule that I am looking forward to. My body feels strong and no major injuries - except for the right hip that acts up every once in a while. Nothing that stretching (Im horrible at it) can't fix.

Niscene Marks Half Marathon
San Lorenzo River 50k (32 miles total with my 1 mile extra)
Dirty Legs 21k
Santa Cruz Mountains 50k
Dirt Inspires Half Marathon

I ran my VERY FIRST ULTRA MARATHON and I loved it!! It was 5,200 feet elevation climbs and I crossed a river that was above waist high 4 times during the race. The hills were brutal and I just kept moving. Having never run that distance before I had no idea how to pace it, or what to bring. I just brought a hand held water and a bottle of coconut water and protein power mix. Turns out that wasn't enough! I was flying the first 13 miles and did a course record pr at 2:10 (remember HILLS) and felt great. Then around mile 22 my quads cramped up horribly and I couldn't even take a STEP! I have never felt that before and didn't know what to do. I was in the middle of the forest alone and couldn't move. I was screwed! But after a few minutes a fellow runner came along and helped me out. He gave me salt tablets, and squeezed my quads until they released from cramping. I swear he saved me. I was thankful to get moving again and passed him on the course :) at the second turn around spot I ate salty foods and stocked up on salt tablets befoe continuing for my last big loop. I was shooting for 7 hours and if I didn't cramp up and loose time who knows how close I would have come to making that time. I finished in 7:32 something. I know what you're thinking ....7 and a half hours of RUNNING!!!! It wasn't that bad.......it was beautiful in there and I was accomplishing a goal. Oh yea - I did that race with only training at the most a 13 miler. Thanks BMack!!! Now in September I am doing the same course and I want that 7 hour time! Maybe even faster!!!! Wish me luck :)

Vegas 2011 with my girls!!!

Had an amazing time last weekend with my girlfriends in Vegas. Its the first time I've ever gone there as a girls trip and we had a BLAST!!! That's all I can say... :)

The Iron Mind.....

Henry Rollins wrote for Details a piece entitled, Iron. The following is a portion:


I have never met a truly strong person who didn’t have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone’s shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr. Pepperman.
Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.
Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it’s some kind of miracle if you’re not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.
I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.
Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.
The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.


I absolutely love that article. I completely agree with Henry - I am walking the brink of insanity every second of every day - we all struggle to make our way in this world. Some have it easier than others, but still we struggle either emotionally or physically. For me, fitness is the glue that binds me together. When I'm having a bad day or feeling the weight of my situation on my shoulders, I know that if I go for a hard or fast run that when I return - exhausted- the only thought I will have is accomplishment. Not stress, not worry, not fear or rejection or loneliness . .....just bliss because I moved my body and felt my heart beat, my lungs expand and all these movements meant that I am still alive. CrossFit is another way I keep myself from jumping off a cliff, seriously. Nothing feels better than to walk into the gym, feeling grumpy or whatever negative emotion I may have, load up the barbell and take it out on the platforms. Exhaustion does something good for my soul - it it like I performed an exorcism . I tend to beat myself up until all I CAN feel is tired these days. I know everybody reading this can relate......you are mostly CrossFitters and endurance athletes. We love the pain that comes along with moving.

Soooo - get out there today and remove whatever doubt or stress you are carrying around in your soul. I just finished a tempo run and I feel like I can focus again - like myself and move through my day with renewed excitement. WooHoo!

Go Kart Racer!!!

Last Sunday I took my kids, my dad and my Uncle Don to GoKart Racer in Burlingame to do some laps on the indoor track. It was SO MUCH fun!! Brandon did the driving school, since he is only 13 and did multiple races against the other teenagers in his class. While that was happening, Sarah, Dad, Don and I were on the adjacent track racing just each other. I tried as hard as I could to catch up to Don, and I ended up breathing on his neck the last lap - and came in second place - beating Dad! One of the pictures shows us on the podium - Don 1st, me 2nd, dad 3rd....Sarah, well....she's a new driver and was very careful so came in 4th - but next time she'll open it up! We're going to rent both tracks out the end of the month for a family throw down. My cousins, aunts, uncles......maybe even Grandma (hahah) will all get to race.

Super fun thing to do together!!!

Wine Tasting In Windsor on New Years

My friend Teresa invited me to her time share in Windsor for New Years this year. I've never been there, and its been a LONG time since I have hung out with Teresa so I was very excited to go. We got into town on Thursday and headed straight to some wineries for tasting. I bought some wine at Hawleys, a small family operated vineyard and just tasted at all the others. The little towns of Healdsburg and Windsor are so quaint and friendly - we really had a great time there. New Years Eve we were the first people at the tasting rooms - starting our morning off with wine, cheese and crackers. I was NOT eating paleo or Zone or even eating much protein! I just wanted to have a fun filled weekend - the last of 2010 - and worry about getting back on track after the indulgent weekend. I think the only meal I had that was even remotely close to eating well was sushi at THE best place called Sushi O'......other than that meal it was bread, brownies, chocolate covered pretzels, whatever I wanted. And you know what? I only gained a couple pounds (never freak out for me) and I lost it all, and then some already......but the enjoyment I felt at ordering whatever sounded good - and tasting chocolate every day was way worth the pounds! The first thing I did when I got home on New Years Day, after dropping my luggage, was hop on my treadmill "Lilly" and run 7 miles. I forgot to mention my weekend of indulgence also included ZERO exercise! YES! Leaving 2010 with a bang!!! I hope all of you enjoyed your holidays and did exactly as I did -- threw the diet and strict exercise schedule in the trash, and ate to your hearts content.

Having said that it was okay to be lazy and eat like crazy - it is now January 2011 (Yes! 2011!!!) and with the new year comes renewed excitement and promises of eating healthy and training harder. We all do it. New year, new me......It was a little hard for me to detox from the holiday drinking nd eating and being lazy - but man does it feel great to get back to a schedule!

What are some of your resolutions for this year?

I have a busy year planned, and my only promise to myself is to try and seize the moment. Life happens really fast. If you don't stop and enjoy it - you will miss it. I want to take time to stop and enjoy more of what is happening around me more often. My lovely daughter is now 16 and driving. My handsome son is 13 and growing more every day. I want to soak up every second and breathe it all in. I am turning 42 this month and it sounds so freaking old to me. I am not where I pictured myself to be at this stage in my life - so maybe I can re draw that vision?

Cheers to a great year to you all!! xoxox

Christmas 2010