Saturday, October 04, 2008

Food For Thought....

"What he said is that love is like a drug; it makes you very high, but it creates a strong need. You can become highly addicted to love, but what happens when you don't receive your daily doses of love ? Just like a drug, you need your everyday doses. He used to say that most relationships between lovers are just like a relationship between a drug addict and the one who provides the drugs. The one who has the biggest need is like the drug addict; the one who has a little need is like the provider. The one who has the little need is the one who controls the whole relationship. You can see this dynamic so clearly because usually in every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other who doesn't love, who only takes advantage of the one who gives his or her heart. You can see the way they manipulate eachother, their actions and reactions, and they are just like the provider and the drug addict."

Mastery of Love.....

11 comments:

Steve Jho said...

I remember reading that on your blog a few years ago. Not because I'm some nut who memorizes your blog but because it was such a insightful yet simple summary of what goes on in a relationship. I remember you saying that your ex-husband was the addict in your marriage and then you were the addict with your new relationship.

glad things are getting better for you and that the Chicago trip was a big success.

JeffO said...

I was the addict - but I learned to back off. Unfortunately, after more than 8 years of backing off until we were equal, I saw that I was actually closer to the aquantances at work than to my alleged wife. So I quit putting energy into that black-hole.

Very good post! Makes so much sense. I've heard it said that you need to be alike, or you don't need to be alike, or opposites attract, and other things, but it seems maybe the most important thing is that our addictions be compatible. Not just our love addictions, but our addictions to sports, or ... anything - watching TV, playing cards, going to games, etc.
I'm such an extremist, I haven't seen anyone worth attempting a relationship with, though! I guess I've swung to the other extreme like you - now I don't feel the need to get involved. I love my friends and that's more than enough for me.

gloria jean said...

Geesh, I've been on both sides. Now I'm on a BREAK. A break from relationships, not a break from men. I realize that if you've been divorced since 1986 that it isn't just men's fault, it's mine, too. I think I'm about done with my break though but I'm getting so picky! Oh well, had I been this picky years ago maybe I'd be in a decent relationship by now. Keep your eyes peeled for '50 something' nice guys Shari. Send 'em my way! hahaha...

mrsmommyb said...

So I've made my decision. When I become a millionare, I'm going to fly you from SC to Martinez and you're going to cook for me. Haha. Oh Shari. Between Zone, AD, Paleo and everything else out there I'm feeling like no matter what anyone says nothing and everything works. Doesn't make sense but somehow in my head it did.

GB said...

Hey Shari, I'm just getting caught up on your blog. I'm sorry to hear about some of the difficult times you've had (and are having) recently. It looks like you have a great group of friends who are there to see you through. Just remember, you're beautiful inside and out! Keep giving yourself to others the way you do and I have no doubt that the kindness and love will return to you ten fold. Hugs!

Shari Baby said...

gb,

I tried to stop by your blog a few times....but I can't get in. You put it as invited readers only can view....I WAS an invited reader, but its been a while...can you add me so I can see what you've been up to girlie?? Love ya...keep the prayers coming my way. I NEED them..

olga said...

Can we at least hope there are cases for equal love?

Tsypkin said...

Wow. This quote feels awful familiar.

Shari, we just moved into our new box. We're going to have a grand opening pretty soon (probably early November.) I hope you can make it down!

BlessedBy3JDCs said...

Hi Shari,
I'm Angela and I live in Tulsa, OK. I work out at home mostly, but our home "Box" is CrossFit Tulsa. I've been following your blog for a while, and I don't think I've said hello yet :)

I just wanted to comment on this quote.

Yes, love can be like a drug. The ONLY WAY to be an unhealthy drug addict is to get True LOVE to give. You can't give love if you don't have True Love. your life may feel like it has a hole right now, because when God created you, he created you to be filled with HIM. But so many times we try to stuff that hole with things that will never fill that hole. We hold on to someone else who says they love us, but they themselves are not really capable of love becuause they too are trying to fill that God given void.
As long as we continue to fill that void with things other than God, we will never be satisfied. And we can never truely love ourselves or others.
The only way to fill that void, is to find the True Love of God and be filled with Him through Jesus Christ. We can only be satisfied when we let God fill us and complete us.
And then God will lead you to a man, who is also complete in God, and you can be in a relationship where two people complement each other in a healthy way.
Then there will be no addictive love, because you get love from the Father God, who is love.

Be Blessed
Angela
http://angelascrossfitadventure.blogspot.com/

Shari Baby said...

Angela,

I know what your saying - trust me, I was heavily involved with my church my entire marriage. my husband and I led the marriage support group, homegroup, couples retreats, etc. I was a leader in my church for over 14 years. I learned a lot about Christians during my time there - when I decided to leave my husband - I found out just how "filled with love" these people were towards me. I know what your saying....but I do not feel the same way. I believe in God....I know He loves me the way I am and I do not have to be extreme to get his love. No matter what I do, or choice I make, or what man I am with....His love for me is the SAME. I do not have to put Him first or any of that stuff. I get really upset when people talk religion with me because I have been there. I've read the Bible 7 times over....taught it...I know what love is. I don't have a "hole" inside me like you mentioned...I was hurt. Plain and simple. Knowing God and putting him first is not going to make the hurt go away. There are lessons for me to learn in this and I am dealing with it. Anyway, thanks for stopping by - dont take what i said wrong - I have experience with the Christian church and all that that you don't know so that's why I felt compelled to respond. : )

GB said...

Hey Shari, I added your CFNSC email address to the blogger.

I hope you're doing okay.