Today started off the wrong way. As soon as the alarm went off at 4am and my feel flung onto the carpet I was off and running - my mind racing - and my heart heavy. I can't even tell you why I was feeling the way I was - maybe it was a mixture of several things weighing on my mind and my heart - either way, I was down. I had to be perky for my 5am clients, because they are my heros. If they can drag ass outta a warm bed to do hard CrossFit workouts, they deserve nothing but the best in a trainer = so I pushed on. Put my mask on, smiled big - encouraged them in their movements, all the while a lump in my throat. Tearm just under the surface....ready to blow. I got my chance to workout at 8am andf the WOD was "nancy." A hard one for me because of the overhead squats....I did it anyway. Around round 3 something in me snapped. My thoughts fixed on everything I suck at in life...how I am NOT where I want to be...how I am NOT the person I want to be!!! Entertwined that with the toughness of the workout and finally my bodys aches and pains caught up with the pain I had in my heart. The tears started to fall. Thank God for my amazing friends...FAMILY...at CrossFit. Skip and Rob saw my face and I guess they knew I was anywhere but here in the present and I was in a battle .....they finished the last run with me - encouraging me. Skip said "this is nothing new...you have felt pain before...push through just like you always do Shari."as we ran side by side. I finished the workout - not fast, but a pr for me. Better was the support I got and the exorcism I had during the workout.
I am thankful for my CrossFit Family. They have come through for me more than my blood family at most times....and they know me. They can see when I need them and they reach out to catch me when I fall and give me their strength when I have none of my own to muster up.
Then a few hours later I got a random e mail from an angel -Ben. His words were like surgical sutures on my heart....words he spoke to me healed me.....amazing.
I even met a stranger who by her appearance I saw people hurry away from her....she walked right up to me as if she were seeing something written over my head and spewed out these words of psychic abilities....I embraced her.
There are signs all around us...and everytime I have been at a low in my heart I can see them more clearly it seems. I think God knows that I feel as though I am being poured out like a drink offering and I am running on empty - much like a hamster in a wheel.....I need to be filled up. I don't get that much....I have to give it to myself. These people touched my life today and made a difference in my heart....right when I needed to be filled up.
Who will you fill up today??