The reason I do what I do for a living.....

I received this email from my food client Michele. She has changed so drastically that I wanted her story so I could share it with others. Here it is in her words.......

My name is Michele and I am 36 years old. For as long as I can remember, I have had an eating disorder. When I was in high school, I developed anorexia. I had been mildly overweight and found that once I began starving myself by eating things like carrots and celery all day and occasionally a bowl of tomato soup, I dropped most of my weight. I liked being thinner and enjoyed all the comments made by others who noticed the weight I had dropped. I became consumed with controlling what I ate as a means for being thin. I discounted all the negative side effects like being constantly cold, having dry and brittle hair and nails, lacking energy and feeling fatigue. None of that mattered because I was thin. As I got older and had children, I continued off and on with this mentality of eating. If I ever overindulged, I would make up by starving myself. I yo-yo'd in terms of weight, sometimes as much as 20 pounds up or down, for many years. Finally, when I reached my late 20's, I realized I could not sustain never eating for long periods of time anymore. But instead of adopting a healthy eating pattern, I began to be a binge eater because eating made me feel guilty. I would make it, oh maybe, 3 weeks in a row with eating one meal a day, then I would feel starving and eat everything in sight for like 5 days in a row. In a day, I probably consumed as much as 5,000 calories on these binge days. Once I started to eat, I could not stop myself. I had the mentality that, well, I was eating, so I might as well just go all out. Never once did I consider that eating was normal or necessary. It was bad and I wasn't meant to do it. This may sound strange, because we need food to live, but I had developed a pattern over 20 years of my life that said I needed to feel hungry to feel thin and I needed to eat one meal a day consisting of 500-800 calories. Of course, a body cannot sustain itself over long periods of time eating this way, nor should a person even try. But, this is where I ended up: starving myself for as many days as I could handle it, then binge eating because my body actually WAS starving to death. I developed hypothyroidism as a result with all the symptoms: extremely low body temperature, severe fatigue, sluggish metabolism, hair loss, etc. Though you may think I was really thin, I actually wasn't. Because of the binge eating and because my body was in starvation mode, I actually stored everything I ate as fat. So, I had gained about 20 pounds of fat as a result of starving myself. How ironic!

During these awful years, I would become so full of despair over my eating habits (generally after I had gone through my binge eating spree), and I would journal my feelings. I would tell myself to stop doing this; that I needed to start eating healthy again, get control of my habits and change things. So, I would try to create a menu that seemed healthy and follow it for a time. However, I would slowly start to feel guilty for eating and because I was not feeling hungry all the time, I thought I was going to get fat. So, I would fall into the same habits again and be right back where I started.

About 5 weeks ago, I sat down on my bed and just started to cry. I was so tired of this! I didn't want to be consumed with food anymore. I just wanted to be normal and eat food, like everyone else. I wanted to have lunch with my sisters and mom when we went out instead of ordering a cup of coffee and taking an appetite suppressant. I wanted to break this horrific cycle, but I didn't know what to do. A friend of mine had been talking about the paleo/zone diet and when I was sitting on my bed, I decided to google it. I have many food allergies: can't have any grains, dairy, sugar, alcohol and I don't eat meat so this sounded like a great diet, but I didn't want to do it by myself. I googled "paleo/zone diets delivered, santa cruz, california" and Shari Keener's name came up for meal services. It turned out that she wasn't doing that meal delivery service anymore, but I found her phone number and decided to just give her a call. She answered the phone and I started to ask her questions only to find myself bursting into tears right there on the phone - in the first phone conversation I ever had with her! I was embarrassed, but felt like I couldn't stop myself. I needed help and somehow, for some reason, God put her in my life at that moment to help me. She was so kind and concerned about me and she didn't even know me. She asked to meet with me and she told me how I need to change my thinking about food. She wrote out a sample day of eating in the paleo/zone because of my food sensitivities. It was a 10 block day and it seemed impossible. I was terrified to eat, but on the other hand, there was something calming about having an exact science to what I was going to eat. I had to weigh my protein and measure my carbs and portion out my fat and she told me what time to eat and all the rules. So, I decided to trust her. I started on October 7 and took all my measurements at her request. I had been weighed at the doctor prior to meeting with her and so I had some numbers to refer back to later on. Today is October 29. I have not cheated on the diet once. Since that first day, I have lost 3.5 inches in my waist, 2 inches in my thighs, 3.5 inches in my chest and back and 2 inches in my butt and hips. I have also dropped 8 pounds. But, I am not starving myself! I am eating all day long. I must admit that I have had to call Shari numerous times during these last few weeks when all of a sudden I feel panicked because I don't feel hungry, so therefore, I must be gaining weight. But, she always reminds me that food is fuel. We need to eat! It's necessary to sustain life. It's not about being thin. We eat for health, not for weight. I had never thought this way before. It is very dysfunctional, the way I operated with food. And, it has only been about a month, so I know I have a long way to go. But, I know this for sure...I feel so much better! I am never hungry, I am never tired after a meal, I have energy all day long!, my hair is shiny and has stopped falling out, I do not retain water anymore, my stomach is always flat, my skin is absolutely clear and luminous and I GET TO EAT FOOD! This is freeing for me. And I have Shari to thank for all of this. She genuinely cares - for real! She always texts me and emails me and calls me to see how I am and offers helpful tips and offers encouragement and words of wisdom anytime I need it. I do not know how to thank her enough. She is a life saver and I want people to know, who struggle in the same ways that I do, that there is help and a better way to look at things. Shari rocks! I love her!

The Start of a PERFECT Weekend!!

Last Friday I flew down to San Diego to take part in a invitation only weekend seminar led by Dr. Romonov - creator of the POSE Method. BMack and Carl sent me there because they say Im a great runner and want to see what Romonov has to say about my technique - amongst other reasons. So I took a late Friday evening flight headed to my hotel and crashed hard - after ordering a delicious steak, bacon and side salad dinner. Marc, a trainer for Xfit E picked me up around 8:15 and drove us t the San Diego University campus weight room - never met the man before Saturday, but it was although we've hung out before. Super cool man and I can't wait to coach a XFit E Cert with him in the future. Anyway - I have been very excited to meet Dr. Romonov and felt honored that I was chosen to attend. I already knew everything he was covering regarding the POSE method and have taught it to many clients and caches already - what I was waiting for was the video analysis! There were about 30 people attending and he sent us out to do a short maybe 200 meter run while we were videod. Then he showed us some drills, again already knew them, and we brke for lunch. Somewhere in that time frame Coach Glassman showed up and its always a great surprise to see him - he is such a great man and super loving. We chatted and all went t eat a great Paleo lunch of chicken salad - of course - and headed back to the university. I was getting excited to be critiqued! So what we look for is how many frames does it take for you to get into the "4 or POSE " position mid run, versus how many frames are yu on the ground? Everybody's numbers were 10-5 or in the higher numbers maybe a 4 was the lowest I heard. Then he got to me. First off let me say that I have been running since forever and learned the POSE Method from BMac and Carl almost 2 years ago . I coach with CrossFit Endurance, train high level athletes and serious runners....I lead 6 week courses on running technique. I pretty much run 4 times a week in POSE. I am not new at this by any means. Dr. Romonov watched my video and afterwards said, and I quote, " You are a very good runner. There is vertually nothing for me to fix here. Who did you learn from?" I just about jumped out of my skin!!! I answered, Brain MacKenzie and Carl Borg. He said " They are great teachers....you are a better student." I was a 1 frame and a .7 frame......SO HAPPY!!! Coach Glassman overheard this and pulled me aside to talk. Lets just say it was one of the best days Ive had athletically in a while.....here were my two mentors that have impacted my life both athletically and professionally and they were telling me how good I am. My head could barely wrap around it!! I had to bail out of there Saturday late afternoon because my weekend was just about to go off the charts! I was flying to Vegas to hook up with Eva and our gorgeous Swedish men for the weekend to have some fun!! Erik got me at the airport Saturday night and I ran to him when I saw him. I swear he is a complete angel. We had THE most amazing weekend I think Ive ever had romantically with a man since forever-----Eva and I flew out Monday for Santa Cruz - Erik and Chris drove back to SC to meet us late Monday evening and they stayed with us until Friday at 2am when they had to return to Sweden. Life just isn't fair sometimes is it?? I have been single for quite sometime and everybody that I was interested in turned out to either not have the same feelings towards me or some other reason. I just reached a spot of contentment and I was not looking for anything.....I was just happy being alone. But all that changed pretty damn quick. Now I dont know what the future holds - nobody does- but I do know that I am embracing whatever it is and I know I am a better woman now than I was a few weeks ago because I opened up and let a special person into my heart.

And there is always Skype!!! ;) Mads and Jenny have been trying to get me to Sweden for a long time - I think they figured out a way to ensure I get there.....Mads sent me a present in the form of my dream man. Sneaky guy!!! Seriously...I had a list. This list had every thing I want in a relationship and a man on it......Erik has every quality on that piece of paper. Man am I lucky :)

You are What You Eat???

I just want to talk a little about diet. As CrossFitters we are all consumed with how we can become faster, stronger, fitter athletes. Not only are we training hard in the gym, and striving for those PR's - but what we do outside of the gym becomes even more important for us. I'm talking about what food we put in our mouths. Instead of reaching for whatever tastes good, we become obsessed with journaling every morsel consumed and carry our trusty food scales with us everywhere- "just in case". Preparing for the fitness competition opened my eyes to the fact that I am completely obsessed with my diet. Some would say that this is a good thing, others would label it a eating disorder. I suppose its a mixture of the both in some ways. I started journaling what I eat on a daily basis around 4 years ago when I found CrossFit- I still have every journal and will not get rid of them. I literally can look back to October of 05 and see what I ate on that day and the times I ate and how I felt after eating it. I know - silly and strange and a little crazy. I started asking myself why do I do this?Is it healthy? Surly after eating Zone and Paleo for over 4 years I have it down by now and have eliminated the need to journal it. I figured out that it goes way deeper than just wanting to know if Im getting the right nutrition. It's because I LOVE structure! If I don't write down what I eat I seriously feel a little off. I get a sense of satisfaction when I look at my journal at the end of the day and see a perfectly balanced, healthy day all laid out before me. If I slip up I write that down too- then when I review I see that black spot and I do not like the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel defeated in some way and I HATE that feeling. Don't you? I have made a ton of strength breakthroughs since I tweeked my diet a couple months ago so of course I will continue to journal my meals and the PR's keep coming.

I want to challenge you to start writing down your food, if you don't already, and see what happens to your fitness in the gym. Write down how you feel at the end of the day as well - promise you will start feeling better. I'm giving a Zone/Paleo lecture today to around 20+ athletes and I am excited to get them excited about their nutrition. I see a lot of weight being shed, as well as alot of strength being gained in the next few weeks.

So----what is YOUR excuse? I know---the kids, work, the house....blah blah blah. We are a high revved society and we are busier than we have ever been and over scheduled to say the least. I believe that the phrase "Im too busy" has become more of a badge of honor than a reality. By saying "Im so busy" it shows we have things to do and an excuse why we haven't done the things we SAY we're going to do - like eat well or exercise. Am I hitting a chord yet?? It takes 15 minutes to measure and pack your meals for the next day. Thats less time than it takes to drive to fast food market, or wait in line at a grocery store deli. DO THE WORK and watch what goals you can reach. You will NEVER know where you COULD be, if you don't start moving in that direction. Better yet - think about where you CAN be (physically) two weeks from now - if you only took the steps to start today??? Throw out the shit food from your pantry - your kids don't need the HoHo's either and fill it with good Zone Paleo foods that will nourish your body and fuel your workouts. Make a change. Life happens real fast, and if we don't take charge of ours, it will fall apart. We will age quicker, gain those extra pounds and become lazy people who sit on the sidelines of life and watch OTHER people live it. Jump in - take charge - life the life YOU create.......with gusto and with passion.

I believe in you :)

Fun day

A picture from a totally fun day with Mark.....

Everybody Needs A Best Friend

Mine is Chris. There has been so many ways that this man has changed my life its hard to break it all down. I met Chris around a year ago - he found me on the CrossFit site as he was looking for a coach. He called me, we set up a time to meet and discuss training. When I first saw Chris my thought was "wow...this guy looks like a serious runner." He was 27 pounds lighter than he is today, and his disposition was a little nervous and unsure of himself. We chatted for an hour and I convinced him that he would be in good hands with me - I knew he would need some hand holding as he stated he didn't even have a pullup. In fact, I remember some of his goals were to be able to take his shirt off on the beach and not feel embarrassed, to backsquat without feeling weak, and to do pullups. These were great goals! I was going through my own personal hell as Brendan had just left me and I was trying to sort everything out. Looking back now - a higher power definitely led Chris to me....because my life got better after he came into it.

Over the next few months I took control of his endurance diet and switched him over to Zone - he would only eat maybe once a day before meeting me - he quickly saw the results in strength and his speed on the track got faster. After a month of being friends he told me who he actually was. Chris was a very accomplished athlete indeed - winning the Ironman Brasil, competing all over the world as a famous runner. Wow - my respect for the man rose to new heights! He was so humble and even though he trained with the best coaches all over the country - here he was listening to me. Trusting me. He got his pullups around the second month and he was hooked! We would met every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and I would program mostly strength workouts with him. The man had speed already - a 5:23 minute mile - but as he got stronger and gained weight he also broke records in his speed - he now has a 4:57 minute mile.....and can hold 5:13's for mile repeats!!! Chris has come a long way and we have built a wonderful friendship. We spend time together outside of the gym, and every conversation we have teaches me something new about myself and life. He shows me that there is good in me, and although I have made some pretty huge mistakes in my past - I have learned from them and have grown as a person. Every once in a while if your lucky there comes a long a person into your life who changes you for the better. Chris is that person for me. In a lot of ways our lives are parallel. He has gone through some tough situations in his life as well as I, but I see the other side through his eyes.....and it has opened my heart.

Anyway, enough about how wonderful Chris is. I was prompted to write this note by a text message sent to me from Mary Cranover, a client at CrossFit SCCentral. In it she stated how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man as a friend in my life.....and I thought "Yea! I am lucky!"

Love you Chris!! Cant wait to build pain ball grenades with you tomorrow and have more meaningful conversations :)

Grand Canyon Run/Hike

Just a couple weeks ago my client turned best friend, Chris, sent me a text asking if I would be into hiking the Grand Canyon with him. I answered an excited "yes!" and he quickly made all the arrangements - probably before I realized what I had said yes to! Our plan was to start at the South Rim and hike the width of the canyon to the North Rim- stay the night there, then hike back. Apparently this is not done too often and I have never been there, so when he said 42 miles total it didn't seem THAT bad to me. Okay, 6 miles down to the bottom of the canyon, around 12 miles across, then 6 miles out. I've run 32 miles in a race before, how hard can WALKING 24 be anyway? Well, it was a good thing I went into it like that because it was pretty difficult!

We left on a Friday, flew into Vegas (kept blinders on so we didn't just stay there and play all weekend), got into the rental car and drove 4 hours to the Grand Canyon. We stopped briefly at Hoover Dam. It was incredible! I have never been there and to see how huge it was made me feel pretty small......we slept from midnight to 4am and we got ready as fast as we could. When we stepped out the hotel doors we saw that it was RAINING!! But, being the freaks we are we just laughed and put on our rain coats. :) We drove to the South Rim and found the shuttle bus that would drive us to the South Rim trail head. This is where we would start and spend 10 hours on. The descent down wasn't bad at all - lots of steps, but it was early and fairly cold so we motored along fast. This was about 6 miles until we hit the bottom---it took about 4 hours. We crossed many bridges, crazy switchbacks, a tunnel and eventually the Colorado River at the very bottom. This is where Phantom Ranch was and we filled our water, got some coffee and other provisions and then after a quick stop continued on our way. By now the sun was beating down and it was about 100 or so degrees. We walked and walked without any problems and we talked about EVERYTHING! We laughed often and when we would take a break from staring at the ground in front of us to look up, we would be in awe of what we were seeing. It is the most beautiful place and it truly feels magical. What we were setting out to accomplish was huge. Especially this being my first ever hike.....we crossed little stream and it came in the right time to soak our bandanas around our necks, splash water on our shirts, and wet our sun hats. It was getting hotter. The meals we ate along the way were everything BUT Zone or Paleo!! hahah protein bar after protein bar ended up making us feel a little shitty and we decided to get better provisions at the North Rim to go back with. Okay, the hairball section out of the canyon - I can try to tell you how scary it was but unless you were actually ON the trail you have no idea what it ws really like. When we started climbing out of the canyon we were going up to 6000 feet elevation (maybe 8000 on that rim I forget) the trail was about 3-4 feet wide and the cliffs were 2000 foot drpps. ZERO to hold onto. So imagine this----17 pound packs on your backs, been walking for 5 or more hours in 100 + degree heat, now your cimbing up up up and in front of you in a sheer rock formation that you are supposed to hike up. There is no trail that you can see and you have no idea where you are going because of that. I sat on the trail and had a little minor melt down at that point. Chris was awesome and just told me that we were brave and lets keep going.....I hugged the left side of the cliff as best as I could and didn't look to the right - just at Chris's heels in front of me. As I was freaking out I told Chris to remind me when I get back to Santa Cruz Central to punch Rob Miller in the stomach because I believe he is a freak of nature! (Rob is a big rock mountain climber and is quite comfortable sleeping in a tent suspended off a cliff).So I thought maybe the hard part was over after we made it past that point....but NO! Now we were going to ascend as if we were on a stair master for 4 hours.....at elevation......!! I had to laugh because I couldn't believe how people do it without CrossFit! We finally got out just before sunset and tired, beat, blistered feet and all but we were estatic!


We had to walk a bit to the North Rim Lodge but when we got there a warm restaurant and delicious food was waiting as was a cabin, warm shower, and comfortable beds. We feasted on steak, wine, and vegetables, then went to the store to load up on food for the hike back. This time we got roast beef sammies, turkey sammies, nuts, pizza, yogurt and fruit and some other little thing.

We went to sleep with full tummies knowing we had to walk back in the morning. Just thinking about it now makes me so excited becuase I have never been on an adventure like this before - EVER! I adore Chris and we were the perfect travel companions - not one fight, we worked as a team, and everything went to smooth.

5am and we are getting ready as fast as we can so we make the shuttle that will drive us to the trail head. We make it and sip our coffee on the bus talking with other passengers about what they are doing. When they asked us what we were doing and we answered with "completing our rim to rim to rim" none of them left it at that. It was "wait--your camping at the bottom right?" or "Not all in one day" _ weknew we were badass, but that just made it even that more sweet. Other than the blisters we werent too sore - thanks Xfit!!

We enjoyed the sunrise over the canyon while eating pizza....and readied ourselves for the hairball section. It was much easier this way today than I remembered the evening before. Maybe because I was fresh and not at the end of a long day? Either way, we got the job done and were feeling great! When we reached the bottom of the canyon Chris asked if I wanted to run....I said "YES!!!"" Crazy, I know.....we strapped our packs, that weighed 17-20 pounds full, tight and started running. together we did about 4 miles in a section called "the box" and it was 115 degrees this day. It felt so amazing to run!! I mean c'mon---we RAN the Grand Canyon!! Fucking amazing!! Chris would turn to look at me, shoot me a look and a nod, and I would instinctively know what he meant and I would start to run. I will forever remember that feeling, the sights, and how proud I was of Chris and myself. We learned a lot about the sort of people we are - We are "Strong too" and we are survivors---we make it through whatever comes our way and we push forward. Amazing :)

The climb out of the canyon on the South side was completely BRUTAL to say the least! Just look at the pictures and you will see. I stopped counting the stairs after i reached 2000.....some of the steps were as tall as my knees :)

More pictures from the competition...

Karen, my coach through the whole ordeal, gave me a disk with these pics. I totally forgot that I took some pictures with my father. He was crying he was so proud of me. Which I find to be slightly hilarious because I have accomplished many things in my life and overcome some hard situations, but I've never heard him say he's proud of me like he did after I pranced around on stage in a bikini. Maybe it was because he's getting older and more emotional. Or maybe it was him realizing everything in my life that tried to keep me down, and as he saw me up there it all hit him. Maybe him saying "I'm proud of you." was a collective statement from everything that I have done. Hmm....I believe that was it. All I know is his words meant the world to me. Thanks dad!

Always Training....

This summer has been awesome because my son, Brandon, who is 12 decided on his own that he wanted to train CrossFit at least 2 days a week. On his own he gets a ride from his dad o the gym on tu and th while I have a gap of time between clients and he trains HARD! I am very impressed with his commitment and how he listens to my coaching. He even took one of my 5pm classes and trained along side other clients and push pressed 53# for 3 reps. What a stud!! He moves like an angel and does everything I show him correctly - hmmm.....I wonder who he gets THAT from?? Recently I took a video of him doing a WOD that involved tire flipping, dumb bell thrusters at 15#, and ball slams. He's got a set of lungs and more importantly he has drive!! If somethings hard instead of quitting or asking for a lighter eight - he pushes through!! That's MY boy!! Heres a pic of us wearing the t shirts from our friend Marcus out of Hawaii at Life as Rx'd----and me pre contest doing 400 meter walking lunges for time around my neighborhood. Yes, all the neighbors thought I was crazy - but maybe I motivated some to move with more intensity instead of just walking the dog in circles. Get out there and MOVE today - no excuses!!!

2009 Muscle Beach Classic *First Place Womens Figure Short Class & Overall Figure

Me messing around backstage with daughter #2 Lulu......I think we were dancing to Boom Boom POW!

2009 Muscle Beach Classic *First Place Womens Figure Short Class & Overall Figure

2009 Muscle Beach Classic *First Place Womens Figure Short Class & Overall Figure

Max Muscle 2009 Muscle Beach Classic

The day started off with Karen coming over and painting my naked body coat #2- Friday night Gary and Karen stayed up until 11pm with paintbrushes and sponges just slathering on the fake tan. I was cracking up because it should have been erotic---a hot guy and a hot girl touching every inch of my body....but it wasn't at all.... :) anyway, that stuff is gnarley to say the least! Thick like shoe polish, and hard as hell to get even. But Karen did it and my tan was set. Headed down to Capitola with my daughter, my son, and Sarahs 2 friends Kiana and Lulu for support. They sat up in the front row to cheer me on. It was a gorgeous day in Capitola and little by little people started to file in. My best friend Chris, my cousin Jeff and clients Tiffany, Jen, Marian, Rachael and Katy were there. Also Mark and Brandon made an appearance. My father and his girlfriends were there as well. And of course my coach Karen was there giving me pointers every step of the way. We went backstage where she did the final touches on my tan and I watched the other girls pump up their muscles. I didnt do that. I just watched and thought what the HELL am I doing here - they are so much more muscular than I am....but I was there for the experience so I went with it.
I decided 2 minutes before I went on stage that I would compete in the Figure category and not just the Bikini Category. Literally 2 minutes before I went on, Karen was teaching me the poses. I was nervous as HELL!! Plus the girl that i was going against has won like every time and has competed often! So...when I went out there all I could see is my kids screaming for me and cheerng and all my friends and clients and family just freaking out for me!! I almost cried just because I felt so loved. I looked at Karen for pointers on what to do and followed what she motioned as best as I could....I WON!!!! I can't believe that I won!!!

Then the winner of the Figure Tall Class came out and we posed and the judges picked ME as Overall Figure!!! 2 TROPHIES!!! I just about cried because i couldnt believe it!!!

There were many highlights for me through this experience that i want to share. First I have to thank Karen. She is truly amazing! What she did to my body in just 2 weeks takes experience, expertise and patience! She was an outstanding coach and I think she should do this for a living for sure!! HUGE thanks to Karen!!! Second, after I won my dad came up to me and through tears he said "I am SO proud of you sis"......that right there melted my heart. My father has never said hes proud of me like that before....ever. He literally couldn't stop crying....that made it all worth it. Then watching my kids see me up there - following through on a goal I made for myself, seeing it through to the end....that was a life lesson that I was teaching them and it was worth every shitty day of those 2 weeks. They were proud to say that I was their mom. Sarah even screamed out when I won "That's my MOM!!!" NOthing is better than that!!! Nothing!! The only thing that made it sad was I didn't have anybody there that was my someone special that could be proud of me. All that hard work and it paid off, but in the end I am still alone . That made me sad.

After it was all over the first thing I did when I got in the door at home was to cut a huge slice of the chocolate cake the kids baked for me and poured a tall glass of cold milk and started to feast!! Man it tasted so good!!

The Beginning Shots

This is what I looked like when I started just 2 weeks ago....do I look any different? I wasnt fat or anything to begin with.....compare and let me know what you see...

The Almost Final Product

I have 3 days to go when these were taken......Karen says I can have a little fat on Saturday morning and I just about screamed!! I also can have a lean cut of steak today at Meal 3. I dont feel like I look too different, but she assures me that I do. I guess we'll see if any of this starvation way of eating paid off come Saturday afternoon. I am sure that I dont get to eat too much Saturday. Wish me luck - Im almost done

After Week One

Here are a few pictures after 6 days on the diet. As soon as I find the first pictures we took Ill post them. I started at 107 pounds, and when these were taken I weighed 102 pounds. My coach said that my waist has come down, my legs have tightened up as did my glutes. I can't tell, but if you put the pics side by side I can see more definition all over my body. Hoping the next pictures we take, probably Tuesday will look even more tight. My suit should arrive Tuesday as well..... this is a trip to me :) But it's an experience!!!

August 6

Yesterday I started to really feel the depletion occurring in my body. I weighed myself at 4am like every morning and the scale said 101.5 - I told Karen I'd easily weigh less than 100 pounds by the time the 15th rolled around. She assures me I only have a little farther to go before we start putting glucose back into my body along with minimal fat - so just "hang on". She took pictures of me posing in the same bikini this morning around 6am, so I will post them as soon as she sends them to me. She said my legs and waist have come down, which is what we were trying to achieve - thank God - but I don't get any almond butter just yet. Hmmmpphh!! I was a little pissed when she told me that.

My son and I went to Whole Foods yesterday for lunch. I got about a cup and a half of spinach and 4 ounces of chicken drizzled with balsamic vinegar, while Brandon ate a protein bar and drank some root beer hey, hes a kid and it was his treat). I watched him chew every bite and drink every sip. He walked through the store with me and I touched every thing that I wanted to consume. Then it hit me - this must be what anorexics feel every day of their life with the disease. I got it. I understand that head space of wanting something but restricting it completely from yourself. Man, I tell ya it was an eye opener. I have to be careful to keep a grip on my reality and not develop an eating disorder....I can see how it would be extremely easy to do. My son is so rad - he understands that I am doing this with a goal in mind - short term, and that its for a purpose. I do not think I am fat. He let me touch the baked breads and squeeze them in their cellophane wrappers, open the bakery case and take a huge whiff of the warm cookies inside, slowly stroll every isle while in my imagination I ate everything that appealed to me. The mind is a powerful organ because I totally feel full when I do this little exercise. Sometimes I even feel like I have actually eaten everything I imagined, and feel compelled to call Karen to confess. SICK!! After about 15 minutes of this aimless wandering invisible food consumption, my sweet son took me by the hand and said "okay mom - thats enough. Its time to go now." And to the car we walked. Then the crying started. I just want to eat!!! Why the fuck can't I eat what I want to eat? Who the HELL is she to tell me I can't have what I want?! What does this fuckin competition mean anyways!? Its stupid! I probably won't even place - I'm not even a fitness model!! WHAT DOES IT MATTER!!?? My head rested on the steering wheel and I just let it out. I was furious, frustrated, exhausted, angry...I was HUNGRY!! I am not poor. I am not lost in the wilderness with nothing edible around me. I'm not on that damn show "Survivor". I have food all around me. My cupboards are overflowing with food. Delicious food. All I have to do is open the cupboard, pull something out, and stick it in my fucking mouth. That's it! Sigh ---except....... I don't do things half ass and I am NOT a quitter. I finish what I start, no matter how ridiculous it is to anybody else. I want to know that I put 100% in and tried my very best, no matter what it is. Sooo, I wiped my tears with my son patting me on the back. He told me "its okay mom - you're almost there. Stay strong!" That just made me cry even more :) But it gave me the support that I needed to pull myself together. I have never gone through anything so physically tough in my whole life. I went through drug withdrawals and they didn't feel this uncomfortable.

We continued on to the mall and went shopping. Everything I tried on didn't fit. The size 0 's in American Eagle I could pull the jeans off my body while they were zipped and buttoned. Shit! I asked if they had any Double 00's in, but they didn't. I cracked up as I asked because they must think I'm a freakin meth addict or something. Whatever -

Karen said that next Wednesday I get to add some fruit and some fat to my diet. Thank God....I haven't had any fruit since last Wednesday....a week ago.

Meal 1- 1/3 cup steel cut oats, 4 ounces chicken, vit b, multi, vit c, muscle strength

Meal 2- 4 ounces turkey, 2.5 ounces sweet potatoes, vit b, multi, Omegas, vit c

**fat burner on empty stomach, train 30 min after taking it**

Meal 3- 4 ounces chicken, 1 cup spinach uncooked, balsamic vinegar on top

Meal 4- 4 ounces Halibut

Meal 5- 4 ounces chicken breast, 1 cup asparagus

Meal 6- 4 ounces Halibut

Sound yummy?? I cannot use any oil to cook or on the veggies so everything is extremely bland. No sat. No oil. No flavor! The chicken is poached in a little water. The fish has a little of lemon juice on it for moisture. That's it. Yesterday I got to eat 10 almonds and I savored every crunch. My teeth feel like they haven't been used in a long time.

Here's the weird thing - I am getting stronger. I'm sure it's because of the extra protein I am taking in - 24 Zone blocks a day.

I performed 6 dead hang L pullups with zero kip, toes straight in the air with ZERO momentum. I did 7 handstand pushups with top of head to the floor and full extension at the top. We did "Lynne" today and as prescribed I bench pressed my bodyweight (who cares that its only 101#) and did chest to bar deadhang pullups. The highest number bench was 5 reps. My old 3 rep PR was 95#, today I did the whole workout at 102#. My energy level is a little low, but at least I am not loosing strength. Please wish me luck and I'll continue to write about my experience. I feel sorta like an undercover journalist in this whole adventure. I will NEVER do this again, that's for sure!! Thanks for reading :)

Pre Contest Day 4

Today started to get difficult with this whole food restriction thing, that I started to do exactly what Karen said would happen - fantasize about Food Porn. I stood in front of the bakery display case in Whole Foods drooling over the cupcakes, cookies, chocolate dipped strawberries, delicious baked goods that looked like little perfectly wrapped presents. I imagined myself holding something tasty in my hands, how it felt as it touched my lips and tongue...the pleasure Id feel as it slid down my throat. People musta felt I was completely nuts! Watching this woman in lala land not saying a word, not ordering.....just staring. LOL! As soon as I felt full (in my mind), I left the bakery - walked over to the fish monger and ordered 1 pound of Halibut for dinner and 3 snacks tomorrow, loaded 2 sweet potatoes, a bunch of spinach, 2 bunches of asparagus , steel cut oats, and tons of water into my cart. I drove home and for a second I felt like I cheated on my diet! HOW SICK IS THAT!!?? Seriously, I have mad respect for these ladies who do this to themselves for months out of the year. They also scare me because of how much it tweeks with your self image. I consider myself to be a self disciplined woman, I have motivation, drive, and focus. When I want something - I get it. I was asked to compete in tis competition so I decided why not go for it 100% ?? Why do it half ass?? So, that being said, I am giving myself over to this diet even though I know its crazy. I figure I'll post about it so you all know what it feels like to be dieting like a fitness competitor before a show. I tell you - its absolutely crazy!

My daughter baked some brownies last night. As soon as I smelled the aroma in the house, I screamed at her. "What the hell are you doing??" I retired to my room around 7pm and there I stayed with a towel covering the opening under the door frame so I couldn't be tempted. I know its extreme - but I didn't give in :)

I understand that I am not fat, or need to loose any weight - trust me. But the goal here is to suck out all the extra in my muscles so that they show more. Its a little more scientific than that, but hey - without any extra fat in my diet I can't think too intelligently. :)

Here's my day in a nutshell:

weight at 4:00am 103#

Meal 1- 1/3 cup oats, 4 ounces chicken breast

Meal 2- 2.5 ounces sweet potato, 4 ounces turkey breast. Multi vitamin, vit c, vit b, omegas

**train CrossFit** 800 meter run, 30 sit ups, 40 double unders, 20 pushups x4 =32:58 (alt row w runs)

Meal 3- 1 cup asparagus, 4 ounces chicken breast

Meal 4- 4 ounces Halibut, more vitamins, Omegas

Fat Burner
** Walk on treadmill at 12% grade, for 50 minutes....covered 3.5 miles**

Meal 5- 3 ounces chicken breast, 1 cup broccoli, 10 almonds

Meal 6- 3 ounces Halibut

Bed at 8:45 pm.......now you see why Im having food porn?? lol.....

Gary turned me on to this book "Dialogue With Death" by Eknath Easwaram....if you get a chance, read it. This line stood out to me today, and I was reminded of several individuals in my life who have PRANA. Some in abundance.

"Fire is a perfect symbol for Prana, the fire of life itself, because where prana is abundant, there IS fire - intense enthusiasm, vitality, drive, resoluteness, the capacity to see something through right to the end without being distracted from the goal. Those who have this kind of fire can achieve anything they choose."

My New Adventure Has Begun...

I have a new client, Karen, who competes in figure competitions. She is truly amazing and when she's show ready, she looks like an anatomy book! Every muscle is defined, her waist is teeny tiny, her legs are dynamic....she looks incredible! Last week out of the blue I was asked to compete in a figure competition myself....at first I said "No way! " But then Karen coaxed me into doing it, more on the bikini side than the figure side and she said she'd coach me through to the competition. I have 2 weeks to get show ready, so everything I have learned about eating for performance has gone out the window. I am now eating to shrink down fat, pop those muscles out, and basically starve!! :) I do NOT recommend doing this to anybody - its HARD and I swear I dont know how Karen does it over and over again. I will be blogging about my experience for the next 2 weeks, along with pictures so everybody can follow me on this crazy goal of mine. Karen took bikini photos of me on Thursday and sent them to her coach for advice on what I need to do to better my physique. The coach came back with "her waist and legs need to come down. She has abs which is great, needs to train more shoulders." WOW!! Umm, I weigh maybe at the heaviest part of the day 107 and I wear a size 0...smaller?!! REALLY!!?? So, over the next 2 weeks that is my goal - shrink the waist, tighten the legs up (I have the CrossFit thighs and ass - which I love...and don't want to loose) and get my muscles tp pop.

Heres the diet Karen has me on. Please dont e mail me with how bad this is, or how off balance it is. I already know that. Again, this is for a short time, 2 weeks, and its with a goal in mind.

Saturday: weight 107#

Meal1-2 hardboiled eggs, 1 cup strawberries, half cup blueberries
(this meal was before I had what Karen wanted me to eat...)

XFIT & RUN WALK 50 MINUTES

Meal 2- 1/3 cup steel cut oats, 4 ounces salmon

Meal 3- 2.5 ounces sweet potatoe, 4 ounces deli turkey

Meal 4- 4 ounces turkey breast, 1/2 cup spinach

Meal 5- 4 ounces salmon, 1/2 cup spinach

Meal 6- 4 ounces turkey breast, 1/2 cup spinach


SUNDAY weight 105#

Meal 1- 1/3 cup steel cut oats, 4 ounces chicken breast. multi vitamin, vit B, vit c, Omegas

Meal 2- 2.5 ounces sweet potato, 4 ounces chicken breast, vitamins

Meal 3- 1 cup spinach, 4 ounces turkey breast

RUN WALK 50 MINUTES (take fat burner before, run on empty stomach)

Meal 4- 4 ounces white fish

Meal 5- 4 ounces white fish, 1 cup asparagus

Meal 6- 4 ounces white fish , vitamins.

Its HARD to eat zero carbs pretty much, and ZERO FAT!!! Im on day 2 and keeping strong though.....Wish me luck! Ill post the pics...I lost 2 pounds opvernight and Im worried that Im going to weigh 100 pounds by the time 2 weeks is up!! Karen assurs me that wont happen. Especially with the extra protein Im taking in. She know what shes doing , so I choose to trust her. I gag down the fish though - fuckin GROSS-

Wharf to Wharf Race

Sunday was the Wharf to Wharf 6 miler race that happens to run right in front of my house on Portola, all the way through to Capitola. My job was to sit on the corner and count how many men were in front of my client/friend as he raced. He was shooting for a top 100 finish (if you arent the top 100 your time isnt recorded and you dont get a awesome race sweatshirt). My son, Chris' son Jack and myself sat there, coffee in hand, along with many neighbors and cheering spectators waiting to see Chris. We counted 130 men in front of him, shouted the number to him as he whizzed by then tried to pick other clients out of the crowd. This race and I have many years of bad luck. I have never actually raced it - Ive had my number 3 different years with the intent to, but every year I've either gotten the flu, back thrown out, or last year my bouyfriend at the time was just being difficuly and decided to be a jerk race morning - so I watched from the corner last year as well. This year I was more than happy to cheer, my ankle being sore has kept me from running fast for a week as it heals.

I am so proud of Chris! He finished in 36 minutes and some change and I am always amazed at what an incredible athlete he is. His form is perfection, and he just seems to float!

The otjher pics are of the Kenyans who of course won the race, and check out the fast woman! Wow - she was incredible for me to watch! I get chills and goosebumps watching fast runners....it made it even better because my house is at the 3 mile marker and the half way point.....telling my clients "your half way there!!" over and over again was fun!