Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Easy Carefree Days....where are they?!

Here's me and my main man in Hawaii playing in the water together. Seems like those carefree fun days are gone from me for a while as of late. I swear I just cannot get on top of these emotions I feel wash over me throughout the day. I start by being angry - fucking pissed- and that usually works well for my workouts and long runs. In fact I did a 90 minute tempo run the other day and didn't even remember running. I drove the miles I covered and it was 14.7. Didn't seem that far when your mind is occupied with other pressing matters. Then usually after that wave I get a case of the break downs. I try to pull myself outta that quickly and do a 180 because it does absolutely nothing for me.It's not like Brendan gives a FUCK how I feel - he's traveling with his new girlfriend and laughing and being carefree. While I am here suffering. What a fucker! So after that I get pissed off again and the cycle restarts. I have some physical stuff happening with me so I have that to also weigh on my mind as well, which is an added bonus. I started my own business this week - I prepare Zone meals all weighed and measured out in 2 block snacks and 4 block meals. Every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday evening I spend a few hours cooking, measuring and weighing the portions. In the morning I pack my cooler with the meals and drop off to CrossFit Santa Cruz Central after my early clients and before taking the kids to school. Delivery days are Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So far I have sold out of every meal and people were pissed they missed out if they got there too late. So.....that's been going well and I really enjoy doing that. Now I get people wanting more and thanking me for the yummy meals. I have a new amazing room mate her name is Heidi and I adore her. Shes one of the most beautiful women I have met and I can't wait to spend more time with her. She's a makeup artist, so she's going to do my makeup for photo shoots and going out. Can't wait. I tell her she reminds me of Kat Von D. - which she does and i idolize that girl!! It's been fun having a girlfriend around. Today I take it by the hour. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and care only about themselves..... I've never operated that way and I don't like being treated like dog shit. I'm a person, I feel, I cry, I deserve much better.


nawd said...

hang in there shari. each day will get a little easier. keep doing things that you love, and surround yourself with friends. you will get through this! -n

Michelle said...

I came across your blog over a year ago and I really admire your honesty and ability to put what you are feeling and going through out there. That takes guts and I admire that. You are such a beautiful person and really have so much going for you. I hope your health issues come to pass and just wanted you to know how much I enjoy reading your blog- well, except when someone is treating you like dog meat- and I know others like the honesty you give.

Shedevil said...

Oh my lordy girlfriend I love you Shari baby! I can't even thank you enough for taking my sorry ass in!! We will surely get through the pain we go through together I promise. It's a pleasure being around you and your AWESOME kids. I will see you later tonite. And don't EVER stop pouring your heart out on here. It's your very own public diary and FUCK whoever can't handle it.

theresa said...

Anger is okay! I just think it's important to allow yourself to "feel" whatever it is that you're supposed to. So, be happy that you're angry! (?)

Hope you're at the barbell cert. in Santa Cruz 1-2 November. I'm signed up.

Suzanne said...

Hi Shari,
I am Suzanne, Heidi's Mom. I read your blog and the nice things you said about her, you sound like a strong, wonderful woman who came back in to my daughter's life at the perfect time. Thank you for taking her in.
I think she can help you get through your pain and anger. From what I have heard, you deserve more. Do not let this man take your power, he's not worth it! Time heals all wounds, you will get through this by surrounding yourself with strong, supportive friends and family.
Thank you again for all you are doing for Heidi, she adores you.
Stay strong, girl.

Karin said...

You absolutely deserve better... hang in there; one day at a time!

Bonnie said...

I am so sorry you are hurting. I know what it feels like when your world goes upside down.
You rock.

mrsmommyb said...

It's hard, Shari. You know that. It takes a long time to get over it all. Just keep sharing and talking about it and I'm sure plenty of people will be there with open arms...and clubs for you know who. ;]

Glad to hear about your business. DUDE! You need to expand!!!! Send some of those meals my way. Haha! Actually, kinda thinking about going Anabolic Diet. Hm... Just not working out with all that weighing and measuring. *sigh*

Oh yeah, and super cool about Heidi. It always rocks to have a cool kid as a roomie. And she does makeup?! Dude. Perfect.

So yeah....Friday night. Walnut Creek. *lol* Yeah...kinda far, I know.

Love ya, girlie!

2TonsOfSloppyFun said...

Please don't let the anger wear you out. It can be a real killer. If you're running 14 miles and hardly realizing it, that's a warning sign.

I'm sure you won't publis this because of the nym. I went over to jackasses blog and insulted him and that pig. f em.

take care. plenty of people have your back.

Anne and Leigh said...

Hi Shari,

My twin sister and I have been reading your blog for a long time now. I just wanted to tell you that we both admire your strength and know you will get through this because you are such a strong woman. I am so sorry you are hurting right now, which is totally understandable. Just take it one day at a time. You are an amazing woman!


Anonymous said...
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Eva T. said...

back squat 155 for 3x3! go heavy shari!!!!

Mike said...

I left your ex a message on his blog --sorry to remind you of it-but I think you should know
I feel ALMOST sorry for him-- pretty he will figure out what he lost.

Mrs. Olivarez said...


I LOVE the pic of you in the red shirt... it screams "EAT YOUR HEART OUT" Such a silly mistake that boy is making. Will be interesting to see how he finds himself feeling when "it" gets tired of him as she does with all guys (as stated in her blog). I wonder if he can pull his head out, long enough to kick his own ass!

Thanks again for everything and I hope your zone business takes off!


Shari Baby said...


LOL..Thats why I adore you. Your fuck everybody else attitude is so amazing to me.You have strength amidst what you are facing in your own life. I see us growing so close and I'm excited!! Muah my little roomie....where are you!!??

Shari Baby said...


Thank you. I read that anger gives relief from sadness or pain. And lemme tell you that is how I feel right now. If I'm not angry as hell at him or her then I feel pain. I dont want the pain so I allow myself to get pissed again. I'm going to try to be at the cert...I have some traveling that is coming up for me that i am super excited about....great company too...

Shari Baby said...

Eva T,

OMG you killed me last night girl. I'm always in awe when I get to workout with my hero and Zac too...what a treat. I can't believe that i got that weight up - considering I weigh 100 right now. It must have been that mysterious phone call that helped me push outta that squat! Thanks for being so amazing in my life. You are a true friend and I cherish you..

Shari Baby said...

Gloria Jean,

Yup...seems asthough what he told you at the games about being in love with me...blah blah blah wasn't really it. But...he has someone new already and has moved on. After my heart heals I will do the same. But I will never be the same Shari....this pain will stay with me I'm sure of it. : (

Eva T. said...

shari, we gotta do is such a blast!!!! You are fun to work out with and obviously so is Zac. i love it when the atmosphere is that makes you train well!