Here's me and my main man in Hawaii playing in the water together. Seems like those carefree fun days are gone from me for a while as of late. I swear I just cannot get on top of these emotions I feel wash over me throughout the day. I start by being angry - fucking pissed- and that usually works well for my workouts and long runs. In fact I did a 90 minute tempo run the other day and didn't even remember running. I drove the miles I covered and it was 14.7. Didn't seem that far when your mind is occupied with other pressing matters. Then usually after that wave I get a case of the break downs. I try to pull myself outta that quickly and do a 180 because it does absolutely nothing for me.It's not like Brendan gives a FUCK how I feel - he's traveling with his new girlfriend and laughing and being carefree. While I am here suffering. What a fucker! So after that I get pissed off again and the cycle restarts. I have some physical stuff happening with me so I have that to also weigh on my mind as well, which is an added bonus. I started my own business this week - I prepare Zone meals all weighed and measured out in 2 block snacks and 4 block meals. Every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday evening I spend a few hours cooking, measuring and weighing the portions. In the morning I pack my cooler with the meals and drop off to CrossFit Santa Cruz Central after my early clients and before taking the kids to school. Delivery days are Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So far I have sold out of every meal and people were pissed they missed out if they got there too late. So.....that's been going well and I really enjoy doing that. Now I get people wanting more and thanking me for the yummy meals. I have a new amazing room mate her name is Heidi and I adore her. Shes one of the most beautiful women I have met and I can't wait to spend more time with her. She's a makeup artist, so she's going to do my makeup for photo shoots and going out. Can't wait. I tell her she reminds me of Kat Von D. - which she does and i idolize that girl!! It's been fun having a girlfriend around. Today I take it by the hour. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and care only about themselves..... I've never operated that way and I don't like being treated like dog shit. I'm a person, I feel, I cry, I deserve much better.