Thursday, January 04, 2007

I HATE NOT RUNNING!!!

I took this picture yesterday so I could see what i look like. I have a problem sometimes with the way that I see myself. I think I'm WAY larger than I really am....and when I can't run my view of myself gets worse. It's been 4 days since I was able to run....really run....and my heart is breaking. Went to the doctors yesterday and he thinks I have a miniscus tear on my right knee - if he's right, I will need surgery to repair it. That means crutches, and out of running for at least 4 weeks. 4 WEEKS!!!! You've got to be fucking kidding me!!! Obviously he doesn't know what those words did to me - I broke down and cried in his office. Without running - I don't know what i am. I already have been struggling with the fact that I haven't been competing like I normally do because of all the events of the past year made it hard for me to focus on those things. My pace has slowed, and I have been having aches and pains that made it hard to really push myself like I used to. If I need surgery that means another Boston will pass me by. I've missed going to Boston 2 years in a row - even though I have qualified. My heart was set on running it this year as fast as I could with a new PR....3 hours. Unless you run with your heart I don't think you understand what that means to me. A large part of what makes me me is the fact that I run....it's a spiritual thing for me. I run with a huge smile on my face - I feel free. I work things out in my mind while passing miles, I breathe in the ocean air, I push myself and it makes me feel good about who I am. Nothing makes me feel like running does .......nothing. I am trying to remain positive and see the good side of it. But nothing jumps out at me at the moment. Today I am tempted to get on Lilly and "jog" for a while just so that I can feel like me again, but I know that will ultimately make it worse for me. Besides, the doctor could be wrong, right ? I get another MRI done hopefully next week so he can have a look at my knee and with good luck maybe I won't need surgery - just a little break. I'm going to CrossFit today to do a hard workout and maybe that will make me feel better. Brendan and I were supposed to be filmed doing a workut against eachother this Sunday at the track - we had to cancel. PLEASE SEND YOUR PRAYERS TO ME TO GET BETTER - I really want to race against him :) Anyways, that's my sob story for today....I will keep you posted. Oh, I can control what I eat, right ? So if I can't run like normal then I will stick to the Zone even more strictly so I don't get large. :) Posted by Picasa

11 comments:

GB said...

Oh no Shari. I am sorry! I know what it means to have running IN YOUR SOUL. It is definitely in mine. If I could just offer a few words of advice at this time... wait for the MRI to confirm what your injury is before you run on it. Don't make it worse because that will keep you away from your much needed running longer than you would've liked.

You asked what you are without running? From reading some of your posts, I gather you are a TERRIFIC MOM to two great kids who love you and need you. You are an INSPIRATIONAL CrossFit trainer to all the people you work out with and train, and also to people like me who are trying to get stronger on their own. You are a GOOD FRIEND to the people in your life and you are in love with a GOOD GUY who LOVES YOU BACK. So you see, you are PLENTY BLESSED, even when you can't run. And your running break is not permanent, it's just until you get better.

And if you think you don't look fabulous in that picture, then you need some glasses woman!

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.

From- GBelle

Shari Baby said...

GBelle -
AWWW...thanks for putting in into perspective for me. Sometimes we need a little push out of the "poor me's"...thanks for my push. I am blessed with all that you wrote and I know that i am...I just hate not being able to move like I want, ya know ? I do have amazing children and an incredible man who all love me, you're right. I will stay focused on all that good stuff and wait for the MRI until I run on it. Being patient is not something I am good at :( Take care girl and I'll come by your site today to see what you have been up to....

JeffO said...

Life (and people) are dynamic. Sure you're a runner with running in your soul, but please don't narrow your definition as just a runner.

I relate because I feel much the same way, AND I'm recovering from a stress fracture in my right foot. Yep, I'm goin' bonkers! (Boing, boing!) Last night was the 1st time in 2 MONTHS I went running, and it wasn't what I would even call "running"!

In spite of your "primary passion", life is too huge to live for only one activity.
You're awesome. You look huge as an inspiring person, not just as an athlete, but you sure don't have a huge bod'! You're way hot.
Please let your knee heal. Knees are very difficult. They can get worse even as the pain is decreasing. And that can lead to a worse injury with long-term disability.

Okay, I'll stop nagging, but I'll bet there's nothing I said that some voice in the back of your head hasn't already told you. You know the material better than me.

Bob Gentile said...

ummm not sure what u said I am still looking at your picture :-O

--ummm I will bbl with some more words to follow

Shari Baby said...

jeffo,
I am so sorry you had a stress fracture - those are a bear and take a while to heal up. Sounds like you are on your road to recovery and back to running again. Thanks for all your wise words - I realy needed them and will take thewm to heart for sure. That's what i love about this blog idea - you all have such wonderful things to say and great wisdom that I can learn from....

OCRunnerGirl said...

Shari~
I agree with GBelle. She said all of the things I wanted to say to you and more!! She is right about not running on an injury until you know for sure. Please take that advise. I ran on what I thought were really bad shin splints and it turned out to be hairline fractures on BOTH LEGS! I was off from running for a month and a half. And though I hated being away I knew I couldn't push it. And they DID get better. Listen to your body! You have your CrossFit you can do along with other cross training.
Hang in there girl!
Patience is key!
~kim
ps. love the pic....you look amazing!

Bob Gentile said...

Ok I am back.... had a busy day and GUESS what I am on my FIRST day of NO COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE --- already feelin a slight headache coming on--grrrrrrrr I WILL BEAT THIS!!!

NOW let's talk low Knee, NOT your "High_Nee" -- hehe even though it looks great from that pic--lol ahhh men we can be such dogs ruff ruff!

Keep off the running for now Shari, u know it's the best thing for ya and if your that passionate about it and I know U are, then respect the injury and let it heal...

I will pray for a fast recover but God is funny, he has his own plan but does like us to say Hello to him and ask him for help and BELIEVE !!

Your awesome Shari and keep that CrossFIT going hard for now-- U will be running again in no time!

Be Great,

Bob

Chad in the Arizona Desert said...

As far as the photo, I agree with Bob. Damn! No worries there.

As far as the knee, look at it from the point of view that this is an opportunity to fix something that has probably been holding your progress back without you even knowing it. If you rehab smart, you can come back stronger and faster than you were before. This looks like a perfect challenge for you...to come out of this even better than you were before the injury. Just go for it!

Tsypkin said...

Shari,

I know what it's like to be sidelined due to injury, but take it from someone who has been there multiple times - just do what you have to do to make it better. I had to stop training jiu-jitsu for months, missed several major tournaments, but my knee, ankle and shoulder are all much better off. It sucks, but it's what you've got to do. My thoughts are with you - stay strong.

Shari Baby said...

Thanks Jacob....:) See you soon ?

Tsypkin said...

Unfortunately not. On Tuesday I leave for Davis. But I will see you again. Working out with you and Brendan has been great, and I appreciate all the help and encouragement. Take care of yourself, and Brendan, and don't give up hope on me yet - I'll be back.