This past weekend I went to the Orange County CrossFit Certification Seminar to get my Level 2 cert. Coach used me on Saturday for the squat demo, which was a total suprise to me. Guess he thinks I have a good squat - which is awesome! I love coach - he's such a smart man and a sweetheart as well. Listening to him talk and learning from him is incredible - read the journals and you'll see what I mean.
Brendan and I traveled with Annie and her sweet little Dylan, which I thought would make the plane ride a little easier for me - NOT! I still cried on take off and freaked the f out during the turbulance. I just can't fight that fear - it is bigger than me. This weekend on both flights I discovered just how deep that fear goes....I was crushed under the sheer terror that gripped me and basically took me over. All I could think about is that planes do crash and people do die. Geoffrey died....and that loss took me years to get over. It's the take off that scares me so much because that's when his plane went down. Couple that with any sort of turbulance and I am in trouble! Poor Annie sat next to me on the flight back to San Jose and on take off we hit some pretty bumpy spots....I almost ripped Brendan's arm out of socket and I would have crawled up into his lap if I could have. I cried outloud, terror was in my eyes and i just could not get a grip. Fuck - i want to get over this so badly but don't know if i ever will realistically. I keep flying in hopes that maybe the next trip will be better - but it just gets worse. I'm really not scared of too many things and nothing compares to this fear - I will keep trying to overcome it. Are any of you scared of flying ? I have a justification for being scared - somebody that i loved very much years ago died in a plane crash. Now what can you say after that huh ? Thank GOD for Brendan and his understanding of my fear - he has learned how to talk me down, help me breathe, and try to help me get "on top of" the fear that builds inside me. That's why i love him so much! Thanks to Annie and Dylan too - for not laughing at my fear, and for being there for me. Even if i made a ass out of myself....:)