Yesterday Brendan and I went to San Jose to share Thnksgiving dinner with my dad and his girlfriend, Angie, and her family. It was quiet and traditional - huge table with all the good china and silver. We held hands and prayed and everybody said what they were thankful for. Of course I cried, because this was the first year ever that my children weren't with me for Thanksgiving dinner. I missed them terribly. I know they were having a great time with their dad, because I called them all throughout the day...I just wish I could have told them in person that i was thankful for them. This whole "you get them this year, I get them next year" arrangement is difficult for me, and I'm sure for Randy as well. We both want the children with us. I didn't get to have dessert with them as planned because they didn't even eat dinner until later and I didn't want to see anybody but the children - so I was at home missing them. Brandon called me and we talked for a while....I explained that i would see them today and we could have pie together....he said he missed me too. It's the hard part of divorce....missing parts of their lives. I do get them for Christmas though, and I will take them to my families over the hill for Christmas day activities - then Randy will be feeling like I felt last night. It's never fair - one of us will always feel left out. I hope one day we can do holidays together as friends and then neither one of us will feel like I did last night - lonely, missing my children.
I'm off to CrossFit to work off the dinner, drinks and dessert from last night. I was planning on starting my holiday shopping today also.....and get the decorations out of storage and hang lights on the house. Again, I will miss the kids for that. I'll keep the important stuff to do when I have them on Sunday.